Forget Stocks, Invest in ME

Stop making risky investments and put your money where it truly belongs - with ME. The market is too volatile right now and it's not worth the stress of not knowing if you will lose a bunch of money. Plus what about all the transaction fees, taxes, financial advisor and CPA bills? There's so many forms to deal with too - dividends and interest. That's not fun or sexy, it's boring and stressful! But giving your money to Me - that's about as sexy as it gets! Plus it's soooo much easier to just deposit all your cash into one place. You'll have more time and energy to jerk off to My clips when you're not dealing with a bunch of different investments. You're so lucky you have me to take this weight off your shoulders. I simplify your life and make it so much better. What would you do without Me!?